Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Happy birthday my biggest little!!

On this day 6 years ago I was in a labor and delivery room waiting for my first child to arrive. Wondering what his sweet face would look like. Scared of what our new life would be like, how I was now responsible for another human being. Would I be a good mom, could I do this?

We had tried to walk him out on Thanksgiving day but he wasnt ready. He waited until bed time just as mommy was laying down for the evening to decided "Now is the best time!!"

Having back labor, I called my parents who were living in West Virginia to tell them to head out, then called my brother (who was my neighbor and our ride at the time) to take us to the hospital!

I looked a mess but was controlling my pain through breathing.

Hours went by and I slowly progressed to getting closer. People came and went to visit with us and to show their love. I remember my cousin asking if she could stay for my sons birth and that I was a bit hesitant because I would be a bit "uncovered" so to speak. But its a beautiful moment so I went ahead and said yes.

When my water broke there was maconium (babies first bowel movement) in the liquid so they had the nicu team ready for him. This was unplanned, I new things like this happend but didnt think it would (seems like a reoccurring thing huh?). He came out with a head full of black hair passed his shoulders, screaming. They suctioned a bit and handed him off to daddy because I was heavily bleeding. I watched as my newly born baby was making his way around the room seeing daddy, grandma and my cousin, while I sat scared something was wrong with me.

The bleeding was controlled but they whisked him out before I could hold him so he could be better suctioned and assessed by the nicu.

It was 5 hours before I got to see him and hold him!! But when I did I remember the feeling was so amazing. He was perfect in every way. With his tan skin and coal black hair, that was ALL over mind you, literally he looked like a little monkey lol.

Coming home for the very first time would be life changing. My husband and I had been married for 11 months and were now bringing home a new life to raise, to build up, to keep safe.

Watching him grow has been such a blessing. He is such a great kid, so loving, caring. He loves his family and his newest hero is his little brother.

When I became pregnant with our second, then third child I always worried he would feel "replaced", or forgotten. That he would become angry and act out. Amazingly he has been a HUGE little helper. Even when he rolled his baby sister off of the couch, who now in return beats him up (hes a lover, not a fighter). And making his baby brother smile is his main goal throughout the day, even when he is tired, or upset his "lil buddy" is his main concern.

Last year at this time Waylon was in the hospital still very sick, we sent Anthony and McKayla with my parents to West Virginia so someone could be with them and mommy could be at the hospital with their fragile little brother. We had to miss Anthonys birthday, there was no way we could leave the state to have a party for him when Waylon was so sick. So my parents had a small party for him and we skyped through him opening his presents and eating cake. My soul ached because I couldnt be with him on HIS day.

Some days I feel like he has had to grow up so quickly because of all our family has been through in the last year and a half. He and his sister have had to endure things they shouldn't have had to at this age. But they wear a smile on their faces, and they truck through the day!

I hope he never gets to big to have cuddles with his mommy lol. And that his attitude of spreading hugs and love to everyone (as annoying with the germs right now as it is lol) never leaves him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY!!!!!!!!!!!! We love you so much and we are so proud to be your parents and family.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Underestimating Understanding. A siblings knowledge.

Our day was like any other day here at home with the three kids. We watched t.v, played, cleaned, etc. They made messes and destroyed the living room once again playing "the floor is lava, jump from couch to couch" game. 

We decided to sit down and watch a family movie together while daddy was at work and just enjoy eachothers company. I chose the movie Charlottes web, because why not, its a cute movie and I loved the book as a child. Kids enjoyed it and after the movie went off I went on to start dinner. 

Cutting potatoes for dinner my oldest came in the kitchen talking about the movie and informing me he didn't like it. I could't understand why and he seemed upset so I pried a little. He left the room but kept answering, mostly mumbling but upset. I had to walk to him and ask "what's wrong buddy, why didnt you like the movie?" "Is it because charlotte died at the end?". Finally getting an understandable response he informed me it was sad that they were friends and she died. I couldnt understand why he was sooo upset, I mean sure its sad, but he was full out crying. I started to put two and two together and said "is this maybe about something else, are you worried about something, baby brother maybe?" I could tell by his reaction this was right, he explained how they are friends and how Waylon could die, because he is sick. My heart sank and I had no other response than to just hold him tight. 

What do you say in a moment like this? How do you explain this to your almost 6 year old child, and how did he put these two things together. The only thing I could think was that THIS ISN'T FAIR!! He shouldn't have to worry about such things, and I shouldn't have to muster the words to explain it. And I think of how smart this little one Im raising is, sometimes for his own good. These same things race through my mind daily. CHD has spared no on in our family. Not even our other children.
Miss McKayla


They too have been through so much. No their chest wasn't cut open, sternum cracked, heart reconstructed, multiple tubes placed, drug withdrawl etc. But they have felt pain, and an immense amount. They were pulled away from mommy and daddy when their new sibling was born, the sibling was very sick and they never got to meet him. Mommy and daddy had to miss halloween, thanksgiving and a birthday. They were happy either way to be with their grandparents who they love so much, but they aren't mom and dad. They leaned on eachother, they were eachothers safety nets through this. 

Then you finally get to go home and be with mommy and daddy and then you find that baby brother is really sick and has been sent far away and mommy.... she had to go with him. So she misses christmas with you. 

We forget so easy just how much these two have been through and underestimate their understanding of the situation. It just breaks my heart to know that my child is so sad because he is scared to lose his "lil buddy". And that he comprehends just how serious Waylons condition is. I can't take his pain away and I hate that. 

All I know is I have some amazing kids! I am doing the best I can to raise them to be smart, courageous, caring,self reliant people in our messed up society. Thats all I can do, I cant shield them from everything, especially on this unmanned road we are on. But I will love and show love to them each and everyday. I can't explain this one to them though, I have a hard time wrapping my own brain around it.